Madam, Last Time I Checked, I'm the Mad Scientist Here

I'm not crazy, I'm a mad scientist. Which is like crazy but with a degree.

This excuses me from all sorts of things that crazy people do. So for example, I tell you that I've replaced your spouse's brain with a potato, you're supposed to bow down before my superior intellect. Not whack me in the head with whatever is handy.

And no, I can't bring him back from the dead. Water to wine, yes. Bringing back the dead, not so much...But give me a week, the march of Mad Science is a frightening, unpredictable V.I.P. party.

So call me next week, who knows?

Mea Culpa of Sorts

Been accused of not writing enough in my blog. Not in the sense that there's not enough entries, but in the sense that the entries are too short. Oh, and it was not so much "accused" as "strongly hinted with a side of back handedness."

Sometimes, you just want to make your point and get off the stage.

Really, what else can you do sometimes?

Today, on the Train

Submitted for your approval, while my train was stopped, another one stopped next to us. In that train was a guy wearing headphones. No big deal, everyone wears headphones since the iGod conquered the world.

But this guy...this guy, he was sporting a hand crank radio.

That's the kind of radio I don't expect to see on the public transportation system. iGods, CD players, MP3 players...yes. Hand crank radios? It didn't even occur to me.

I salute thee, sir, wherever you are.

Where's My Tiny Bike?

Found this on CNN.com

Famous clown gets tiny bike back

I think everyone needs to find their tiny bike and be extremely grateful for it.

That's the Question, Innit?

Can I still, in good conscience, call myself the Hypno Bedhead if I've shorn my locks off?

The Hell I can't!

Bedhead is a state of mind!

--The "Now Metaphorical" Hypno Bedhead

Now I've Seen Everything...Again

The Man with the Cat on a Leash crossed my path again. Once more, The Cat on the Leash did not look happy.

And we have just entered, the Twilight Zone.

*Cue theme song*

Submitted for your approval, a man who puts his cat on a leash. Is this man crazy, or has he just figured out something the rest of us haven't. There are mysteries within mysteries within this tableau of the absurd. Of course, the absurd arranges it's tableau in a performance theater we like to call...

The Twilight Zone

*End theme song*

Now I've Seen Everything

Yesterday I saw a homeless man walking an animal that appeared to be a small dog but was in fact a cat...on a leash.

The cat had a defeated look on his face. Can you blame him?

The Hypno Bedhead's Marathon Journal - Entry 004

As for where 001-003 went, they're on my MySpace blog.

Last run went swimmingly, which is just the roundabout way of saying it was keen. I had to run for 40 minutes and after a lot of procrastinating, I got my behind out to run. It's once I get going I remember how great it feels to run. Feels like meditation to me, I just tune out all the stress from the day and concentrate on my running form. Nothing else matters, except for drivers who don't pay attention.

This time, unlike last time, I managed to run the full 40 minutes without stopping a single time. Yup, didn't stop a single time. I wasn't even out of breath. It's a relief and it gives me hope that I will run the whole 26.2 miles come M-Day.

Not bad for a former childhood, asthmatic couch potato. And I used to hate running.

Here's hoping it continues like this.

Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter in the hope that it finds you and your family in great health and spirits. You don't know me, but I believe that you have done me a great service earlier today.

See, as you drove to wherever it is you were going, you had no idea that you were going to play your part in a cosmic dance of wonderment and coincidence that has become my life for the last few days. It was when you made that right turn, just as the light turned green, that my foot came down on the intersection. That was the moment that changed my life forever.

I don't get many chances to test my reflexes and they say you never know what you are capable of until you are tested. I thank you sir, for having no regard for pedestrians and trying to make that right turn before any of us got off the curb. The speed at which your taxi took that turn was breathtaking. I'm sure the Guinness World Records people are on their way to your doorstep as we speak to confer to you the honor of Fastest Right Turn When You Don't Have the Right of Way.

More specifically, I thank you for being the one that proved to me beyond any doubt that I do, in fact, possess super speed, among other powers that will surely manifest themselves in the coming weeks. There was no way that I could have gotten out of the way of your taxi otherwise. I thank you and whatever wise, transcendent, God-like being put you in my path to show me that truth.

The world will soon thank you as well, when I've ended suffering with my amazing abilities.

Thank you,

The Hypno Bedhead

Blame Abraham and Isaac

Finally remembered the exact reason I don't like religion. Namely the one I was raised in.

Let's all go back in time to 1986. You're six years old, and you're dying to color something...anything preferably a wall of some sort. Your mother, bless her heart, buys you a Judeo/Christian themed coloring book.

Innocent enough...

And you color Noah Ark first because when you're a kid, and animals are cool. Fun times.

Then you color the nativity because of Baby Jesus.

Then you get to a picture of Abraham getting ready to sacrifice his son Isaac because God (capital G) asked him to. A quick recap:

Abraham was a man with lots of faith. His family had lots of faith. Everything was good. He had a son named Isaac, who he loved very much. One day, God asks in his big booming voice, "Hey Abraham, prove your faith in me by sacrificing your beloved son Isaac."

To which Abraham said, "Do what, Lord?"

To which the Lord replied, "Don't pretend you didn't hear me, it demeans us both."

"But, couldn't I sacrifice some sheep?" asked Abraham (at least I assume Abraham would have tried to bargain. At least I hope did.)

"Ummm...No," said the Lord.

"Okay!" replied Abraham since he had faith in God.

So he somehow manages to convince his son this is a good idea. Ties him up, puts him on top of a bunch of sticks to burn him on, and gets ready to give his soon a fatal case of death.

But right before Abraham can deliver on his promise, God stops him. "Psych!" God says, "Oh Me, you were really gonna do it! You have proven your faith to me. Untie your son, and here, take some money for his therapy bills." And everyone lived happily ever after.

Now in the coloring book. Abraham held the knife up in the air with a goofy-looking smile on his face. Same with Isaac, tied up to a pile of wood about to be stabbed by daddy, but what does he have on his face? A great, big goofy smile, cause being sacrificed is the bee's knees daddy-o.

It's the smiles that bothered me the most. Those vacant, cartoon grimaces haunt me still.

Let's go through better version of this story...

Abraham & Isaac: really cool great people who love everyone and have faith in God. You know? Real assets to the community.

God comes to Abraham and says, "Go sacrifice your son in my name."
Abraham cocks his head to the side and says, "Yeah...no."
God points his immaculately manicured finger at Abraham, "That's an order mister. Don't make me resort to smiting you."
Abraham turns and walks off, "Piss off, loony."
God blocks Abraham's path, "Listen you...I'm God. I say jump and you say, 'Is that all, I can juggle for you as well, maybe sing.'"
Abraham digs his heels into the ground, looks God in the eye and says, "NO!"

God stands aghast, but then chuckles to himself. "Right on, man. Good job. I asked you to do something completely stupid and you stood your ground. I'm so proud of you for not being a f****** robot. Come here!" And God high fived Abraham who knew in his heart of hearts that God wouldn't be so petty as to seriously ask him to kill his favorite son for no reason other than to teach him a lesson on the value of obeying blindly and without question." The end.

That's much better.