The Difference is Substance

What’s the difference between a Hollywood film, an independent film and a foreign film?

Simple! Let’s look at three different versions of the same story.

The Hollywood version:
A lovable alcoholic (played by Nicolas Cage) alienates everyone in his life and beats alcoholism (in a week, during a montage) to regain the love of his wife and kids.

The indie version:
A loveable wife-beating alcoholic (played by Philip Seymour Hoffman) alienates everyone in his life but comes to the conclusion that, “Hey, maybe I do have a problem.” The wife tentatively agrees to give him a second chance if he gets help.

The foreign version:
A wife-beating alcoholic (played by Gerard Depardieu) alienates everyone in his life and comes to the conclusion that everyone around him is a son of a bitch while looking for loose change to buy his next beer with.

Fortune Cookie

Open any fortune cookie, any one single fortune cookie and you'll get a fortune. Duh...Anyone knows that, but the point is, all those well-wishes are nothing if you don't put in the effort yourself to make sure they come true.

Every fortune cookie lies if you don't make the effort.

The last one said, "Your fondest wish will come true this year."

So I'm going to work extra hard to make sure people that annoy me
fall into a deep, deep well.

Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter in the hope that it finds you and your family in great health and spirits. You don't know me, but I believe that you have done me a great service earlier today.

See, as you drove to wherever it is you were going, you had no idea that you were going to play your part in a cosmic dance of wonderment and coincidence that has become my life for the last few days. It was when you made that right turn, just as the light turned green, that my foot came down on the intersection. That was the moment that changed my life forever.

I don't get many chances to test my reflexes and they say you never know what you are capable of until you are tested. I thank you sir, for having no regard for pedestrians and trying to make that right turn before any of us got off the curb. The speed at which your taxi took that turn was breathtaking. I'm sure the Guinness World Records people are on their way to your doorstep as we speak to confer to you the honor of Fastest Right Turn When You Don't Have the Right of Way.

More specifically, I thank you for being the one that proved to me beyond any doubt that I do, in fact, possess super speed, among other powers that will surely manifest themselves in the coming weeks. There was no way that I could have gotten out of the way of your taxi otherwise. I thank you and whatever wise, transcendent, God-like being put you in my path to show me that truth.

The world will soon thank you as well, when I've ended suffering with my amazing abilities.

Thank you,

The Hypno Bedhead

Life is But a Dream

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

--Mark Twain

It's true what they say...we invent our own lives. There is no little man behind the curtain pulling our strings. Unless we put him there for the purpose of pulling our strings because we felt it was necessary for there to be a little man pulling our strings to make us feel better about not pulling our strings ourselves.

Can You Allow Me a Moment of Pretentiousness?

When the writing stalls, I cheer myself up by finding the nearest bookstore. I find the fiction section and look for the spot in which whatever book(s) I write will be.

Right in the J's, next to James Joyce.

It's dumb, but it helps, even if I don't write prose.