Now I've Seen Everything

Yesterday I saw a homeless man walking an animal that appeared to be a small dog but was in fact a cat...on a leash.

The cat had a defeated look on his face. Can you blame him?

The Hypno Bedhead's Marathon Journal - Entry 004

As for where 001-003 went, they're on my MySpace blog.

Last run went swimmingly, which is just the roundabout way of saying it was keen. I had to run for 40 minutes and after a lot of procrastinating, I got my behind out to run. It's once I get going I remember how great it feels to run. Feels like meditation to me, I just tune out all the stress from the day and concentrate on my running form. Nothing else matters, except for drivers who don't pay attention.

This time, unlike last time, I managed to run the full 40 minutes without stopping a single time. Yup, didn't stop a single time. I wasn't even out of breath. It's a relief and it gives me hope that I will run the whole 26.2 miles come M-Day.

Not bad for a former childhood, asthmatic couch potato. And I used to hate running.

Here's hoping it continues like this.

Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter in the hope that it finds you and your family in great health and spirits. You don't know me, but I believe that you have done me a great service earlier today.

See, as you drove to wherever it is you were going, you had no idea that you were going to play your part in a cosmic dance of wonderment and coincidence that has become my life for the last few days. It was when you made that right turn, just as the light turned green, that my foot came down on the intersection. That was the moment that changed my life forever.

I don't get many chances to test my reflexes and they say you never know what you are capable of until you are tested. I thank you sir, for having no regard for pedestrians and trying to make that right turn before any of us got off the curb. The speed at which your taxi took that turn was breathtaking. I'm sure the Guinness World Records people are on their way to your doorstep as we speak to confer to you the honor of Fastest Right Turn When You Don't Have the Right of Way.

More specifically, I thank you for being the one that proved to me beyond any doubt that I do, in fact, possess super speed, among other powers that will surely manifest themselves in the coming weeks. There was no way that I could have gotten out of the way of your taxi otherwise. I thank you and whatever wise, transcendent, God-like being put you in my path to show me that truth.

The world will soon thank you as well, when I've ended suffering with my amazing abilities.

Thank you,

The Hypno Bedhead

Blame Abraham and Isaac

Finally remembered the exact reason I don't like religion. Namely the one I was raised in.

Let's all go back in time to 1986. You're six years old, and you're dying to color something...anything preferably a wall of some sort. Your mother, bless her heart, buys you a Judeo/Christian themed coloring book.

Innocent enough...

And you color Noah Ark first because when you're a kid, and animals are cool. Fun times.

Then you color the nativity because of Baby Jesus.

Then you get to a picture of Abraham getting ready to sacrifice his son Isaac because God (capital G) asked him to. A quick recap:

Abraham was a man with lots of faith. His family had lots of faith. Everything was good. He had a son named Isaac, who he loved very much. One day, God asks in his big booming voice, "Hey Abraham, prove your faith in me by sacrificing your beloved son Isaac."

To which Abraham said, "Do what, Lord?"

To which the Lord replied, "Don't pretend you didn't hear me, it demeans us both."

"But, couldn't I sacrifice some sheep?" asked Abraham (at least I assume Abraham would have tried to bargain. At least I hope did.)

"Ummm...No," said the Lord.

"Okay!" replied Abraham since he had faith in God.

So he somehow manages to convince his son this is a good idea. Ties him up, puts him on top of a bunch of sticks to burn him on, and gets ready to give his soon a fatal case of death.

But right before Abraham can deliver on his promise, God stops him. "Psych!" God says, "Oh Me, you were really gonna do it! You have proven your faith to me. Untie your son, and here, take some money for his therapy bills." And everyone lived happily ever after.

Now in the coloring book. Abraham held the knife up in the air with a goofy-looking smile on his face. Same with Isaac, tied up to a pile of wood about to be stabbed by daddy, but what does he have on his face? A great, big goofy smile, cause being sacrificed is the bee's knees daddy-o.

It's the smiles that bothered me the most. Those vacant, cartoon grimaces haunt me still.

Let's go through better version of this story...

Abraham & Isaac: really cool great people who love everyone and have faith in God. You know? Real assets to the community.

God comes to Abraham and says, "Go sacrifice your son in my name."
Abraham cocks his head to the side and says, "Yeah...no."
God points his immaculately manicured finger at Abraham, "That's an order mister. Don't make me resort to smiting you."
Abraham turns and walks off, "Piss off, loony."
God blocks Abraham's path, "Listen you...I'm God. I say jump and you say, 'Is that all, I can juggle for you as well, maybe sing.'"
Abraham digs his heels into the ground, looks God in the eye and says, "NO!"

God stands aghast, but then chuckles to himself. "Right on, man. Good job. I asked you to do something completely stupid and you stood your ground. I'm so proud of you for not being a f****** robot. Come here!" And God high fived Abraham who knew in his heart of hearts that God wouldn't be so petty as to seriously ask him to kill his favorite son for no reason other than to teach him a lesson on the value of obeying blindly and without question." The end.

That's much better.

New Pictures

Takes forever to get pictures onto FLICKR without using their downloadable mass uploader.
This is a mosaic of some of my camera phone pictures. Not the best necessarily, but I was playing around.

As a recovering film student, it's hard not to look at the world in camera angles. I need to make a short project soon before I forget why I studied film in the first place.

Does the World Really Need Legally Blonde: the Musical?

And they say Hollywood's out of ideas.

Also, based on the success of The Producers musical, Mel Brooks now wants to turn Young Frankenstein into one. Personally, he should do Blazing Saddles instead. That whole scene where cowboys eat beans by the campfire is just crying out to be put to song. They should use real beans for the sake of authenticity and provide gas masks for the front row patrons.

Once in a while you'll hear a rumor about some dolt trying to turn Batman into a musical theater piece.

I hate musical theater.

Thank You, Lost!

So the writers of LOST have said that they will not let the show go on for longer than it should. Maybe I'll finally start watching the damn show.

Someone has some sense in TV.

There's a reason I don't watch LOST it's called The X-Files. I loved The X-Files, but it let me down. Oh it let me down. I'm talking I-can't-believe-people-pay-money-to-watch-Bruckheimer-movies-level of letting me down. So if LOST wants to go out while the story still makes sense instead of going on for four unnecessary seasons, I'll all for it.

You know what the worst part of The X-Files was? That at the end of it all. The truth was still out there. You gotta be kidding me?

There's a point in a TV show like The X-Files where the mystery comes to it's apex and if you don't solve it soon, the audience will be pissed. Someone in charge decided to keep going past this point. And when you keep an audience hanging for longer than you should, you're suffering from something I like to call Mysterious Mysteries of Mysterious Mystery.

I've read a lot of screenplays since I've started writing and when reading amateur ones there's nothing I hate more than a story that suffers from MMoMM-syndrome.

Lets hope the people behind LOST live up their word.

The Future Sucks Again

Remember back in the day when consumer electronic companies were putting digital clocks in every single product?

Coffeemaker? Needs a clock.
Fridge? Needs a clock.
Phones? They need a clock.
Stereos? How can I play music without a clock?

Nowadays playing MP3's is the new digital clock.

Your phone can play music. Your TV. Your PDA. Pretty soon, for the hell of it, they'll come up with a digital wrist watch that plays MP3's.

Do we really need refrigerators that play MP3's?

"Granddad, how come you're still alive?"
"Cause Granddad's pacemaker plays songs by Shakira."

You Can't Miss Being a Kid if You Never Stopped Being One

This one time I saw a guy on a unicycle riding through downtown. I wanna learn to do something completely useless just for fun. Like playing the harmonica.

I draw the line at playing handball, though. That's just dumb.

You know what I miss? Tag. I miss playing tag.

Forget ultimate frisbee, I want to start a Tag League. Who wants in? Can't you imagine it? Ten or so grown-ups running around, playing tag in a park for no reason? Can't think of anything better. And what better game? You don't even need a ball or any equipment and the rules are easier than your sister.

You could even keep stats on who was IT the least amount of time so you could crown a tag MVP. Okay, maybe not.

I want to play tag again. No backsies, of course.

Sometimes I Can't Help But See the Strings

What's so hard about getting a group of people together for a print ad? Every time I see an ad with a crowd shot I can't help but see how all those people were photoshopped individually to form a crowd. None of those people were in a room together!

Same thing with movie posters. If the stars appear together, it just looks like they took separate pictures of them and slapped them together via computer.

Maybe I look to deep into these things.

Maybe it's just more cost effective to do it that way. Maybe getting a group of people together to take one picture is less effort than scheduling hundreds of individual pictures. Maybe they get pictures of people wholesale.

"Hey, I need a hundred engineers. Do you have any?"
"Hell I have pictures of 1,000 different people crying over spilt milk. I think I can swing some engineers."

Sometimes I can't help but see how staged everything is, not just advertising. Like everything in life has to be presented as something else or else we won't accept it.