Friday, August 31, 2007

The Difference is Substance

What’s the difference between a Hollywood film, an independent film and a foreign film?

Simple! Let’s look at three different versions of the same story.

The Hollywood version:
A lovable alcoholic (played by Nicolas Cage) alienates everyone in his life and beats alcoholism (in a week, during a montage) to regain the love of his wife and kids.

The indie version:
A loveable wife-beating alcoholic (played by Philip Seymour Hoffman) alienates everyone in his life but comes to the conclusion that, “Hey, maybe I do have a problem.” The wife tentatively agrees to give him a second chance if he gets help.

The foreign version:
A wife-beating alcoholic (played by Gerard Depardieu) alienates everyone in his life and comes to the conclusion that everyone around him is a son of a bitch while looking for loose change to buy his next beer with.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Fortune Cookie

Open any fortune cookie, any one single fortune cookie and you'll get a fortune. Duh...Anyone knows that, but the point is, all those well-wishes are nothing if you don't put in the effort yourself to make sure they come true.

Every fortune cookie lies if you don't make the effort.

The last one said, "Your fondest wish will come true this year."

So I'm going to work extra hard to make sure people that annoy me
fall into a deep, deep well.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

So Unfair...

Kurt Vonnegut died this year. Michelangelo Antonioni and Ingmar Bergman died within the same week this year as well.

In my local newspaper, these men got honored with blurbs. A certain professional football coach (who shall remain nameless), upon death, received a full front page article and an entire sports section devoted just to him.

Think about that one, a full front page. Not a blurb in the front page. The whole front page. Plus, several pages devoted to him in the sports section. All for a man who coached football. Not to knock his accomplishments (which were many) but isn't that overkill?

Three men whose cultural accomplishments spanned the whole world get less ink than a man who coaches a sport that only this country takes seriously.

So it goes...